You feel anxious. All. The. Time.
Maybe it comes out in social anxiety, where you feel like you can’t ever really be yourself; you feel as though you always have to put on a show, entertain, make others laugh, or be a certain way. You’re afraid that if people knew your thoughts they would think you’re weird and wouldn’t like you. You feel anxious being around others and it’s hard to say what you really want.
Or perhaps you feel like you have to be on point. You feel like you should always be trying to better yourself – that it’s good to push yourself. You want to do everything the “right way” – you just need to figure out what that looks like. You feel as though your to-do list runs your life and you never get a break. Saying ‘no’ to someone feels next to impossible because you don’t want to disappoint.
Or maybe you feel like if were thinner, more toned, strong enough, had the body that you wanted you would be good enough.
Anxiety shows up in so many ways. You try so hard to get over it.
You wish you didn’t worry what others think of you. Just talk to them, what’s the worst that could happen, right?
You tell yourself to be better. To have no fear. Not to worry and just do the things you need to do. You wish that your to-do list didn’t feel like it flattened you. You want to stop procrastinating. If only there were more hours in the day. If only you could just get it right.
You wish that you and your body were different. That you were thinner, exercised more, ate less.
Other signs of anxiety, perfectionism, and shame are:
- You agree to do things you don’t want to do
- You don’t stand up for yourself, and fear that if you do people won’t like you
- Fear that you will disappoint others so you never tell them how you feel
- You get mad at yourself for feeling anxious
- You feel as though if you tell people what’s going on with you you’ll be burdening them
- You feel responsible for other’s feelings or how well interactions go
- You cajole and scold yourself for not doing more. At the end of the day you base your value on how much you have gotten done and if it was good enough
Anxiety, perfectionism and shame are draining.
All of this robs you of your enjoyment. You struggle to take care of yourself. You constantly feel like you’re never enough. Maybe your relationships suffer because you can’t ask for help when you feel like you’re drowning. Anxiety inhibits your ability to show up authentically with others. This leaves you feeling unseen and unheard by others and so you choose not to engage in the things you want to do. Maybe sometimes it even shows up physically. It might feel hard to breath, your chest feels tight, your jaw aches from grinding your teeth, or your stomach hurts from the stress of it.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
You don’t have to live with this overwhelming anxiety. You can enjoy your life, show up authentically in relationships, and take better care of yourself.
Imagine telling your thoughts to someone you care about and having them accept you as you are.
You can tell your friend/ partner / family member “no” without fearing they won’t like you as much.
You can ask for help without feeling like a burden or a failure.
You can leave the house without checking the mirror five more times.
You can make a mistake and not berate yourself for it.
There are many ways to help with anxiety, perfectionism, and shame and counseling is one of them.
You don’t have to do this alone.
I can help.
If you’re interested in learning more, contact me for a free consultation at katie@relational-insight.com or call me at 512-498-7542